Emo To To Post

At the end of the post if you think that you wan to say something.. save it... cos I merely wanted to rant okay.. I dont need any comment.. Thank you.. It's my blog anyway... RIGHT ???

Lately, probably due to my hormone change 我变得很容易发火。。虽然我没有发给那令我嬲的人看和听不代表我不气。什么姐妹情。。 我呸！！ 我时常跟自己说我的姐姐在很远我要好好的珍惜。 虽然有时我很cool不代表我不关心，不在乎。 有很多时候我不要理太多因为我自己没用没办法在金钱上帮到他们。。 但如果他们又事的话我的心也一样紧张。。 担心。

老妈常跟我说我们姐妹不多一定要好好的相处。有时候对他们好自己不要show出来。 因为年纪的gap太大了。不会沟通吧。或者因为大家太爱脸了变得不会沟通。

看到自己的姐姐跟别人的感情好过自己。自己只可以做的是好好安慰自己。因为自己没用。。。 不可以帮倒忙。

那天我在网上算八字。结果有提到我的兄弟，姐妹缘很薄。对父母也没什么尊重。 我还记得以前我读过爸爸的一本风水书。也是这样说。。 习惯了。。 看透了。。 不是我没尝试过。接受了。

有时候觉得跟朋友也是一样的。 所以到最后我觉得靠自己是最好的。 靠老公有时都可以吧。at least 当我走投无路的时候是他在我身边。。

突然间我觉得我没有了我两个姐姐。。。 真可恶， 可悲。。。。老妈，对不起了。。 不是我不想做到姐妹情深。我需要做得已经做了。可能做到不够好吧。。 但为什么每一次都是要最小的开始做先了。

小的就要先打电话问候， 小的就要先叫人，小的就要先住口。小的就要听大的顽固道理吗？

闷。。。。。

Emo To To Post

This post language/grammar will be total OUT. Do not proceed if you feel dizzy.. hahaha..

If you would have notice this blog contained limited photos. It was meant to be a place where I can rant and express out my feeling..

It's merely my personal feeling and has nothing related to anyone. So if you think that it's not relevant or wanted to comment please keep it to yourself like I've been keeping it to myself..



Lately, dont know since when I started to study a chinese "poet" called 弟子规。 It's actually been study widely in Chinese School.. I don't remember my school ever taught this kinda of stuff. But of cos they taught us "Pendidikan Moral", I still remember there's a play that I was a honest kid who returned back a wallet. Guess it did help, I seldom lied and I dont like to ppl to lie too. ahaks.... :P

But I've always like Chinese Culture, History and Values. Mom has very limited English background while Dad is Chinese educated. I've grown up listening to dad says.. "家和万事兴“， 做人要守时，读得是自己的。and etc. I've always admired dad cos he's a very smart person just that he's can be very lazy at times. (I got it from him) While mom always remind us that our siblings are limit and we have to love each other. Have to be filial and etc.

I've always got this feeling that Chinese background people has more values. But of cos there are exceptional. and I am also english educated and I don't denied that I too DON'T HAVE much values - 价值观念. and 人情味 this is also the reason why I start to study 弟子规。 Altho it's always in the back of our mind that we should respect elderly, we should be filial and we should be this and that. Bu very often becos of egoism we lost it !! But of cos most people also 死爱脸吧。 And most people love be "bodek". it's undeniable...

什么忠情忠义is dad's beliefs. Dad's has 9 siblings but dad was given to my granddad's brother when he was young. Still dad's own brothers respect dad as the eldest. You know back in the good old days they like to give away kids, mom told me they almost gave me away to some cousin brother or to sister... lolxx..

Anyway, back in the good old days when my grand parent (Ah Gong & Ah Ma) was around. My uncles would come to our house during CNY to have re-union dinner otherwise my Ah Gong & Ah Ma will go to every uncle's house for re-union dinner. Those day it was so warm.

But of cos in each sibling they tend to have “心病“ but it's often throw behind cos 情义 always comes first. Mom always complaint about how my uncles depend on the family business.. how now the our cousin don't know how to respect my dad or their own dad. But whatever it is, things changed when I've become a parent. Everything must be throw behind, it's past. Why do we always have to hook on to the past and make our life miserable..

I've always been the rebellious one in the family and often made my mom 气死。 I've always the one that fight back mom ; always the one that has lack of patient and shout back when she nagged.. she often cried when I shout at her.. *sorry*.. but soon.. I realized that I shouldn't be doing that.. so now if she said something that I don't wan to listen I will change topic.. But she seems to be more open too.. sometimes I sound her for being too naggy she's okay with it..

To me... we don't know what will happen I've always prepared for the worst to happen but expecting the best. After being a mom myself... I have lotsa 忧虑 and 担懮 . 做人最重要是没有遗憾。 要学会珍惜身边的人。

Farewell

刚收到消息和我一起去做工四年多的“朋友-同事” 要离开了。。觉得很开心也很矛盾 。哈哈哈。总之“天下无不散的宴席” 啦。 我在想什么时候轮到我吧。

老公很喜欢我在这里做工。对他来说这里有很多福利， 孩子看医生的钱可取回。看牙医也可。生孩子也可。

有了家庭就是这样吧，不舍得要改变因为活在自己的comfort zone了。虽然钱是不够用但是也要捱下去啦。。

希望明天会跟好吧。。。 也祝她做工顺风，做工大吉。。 哈哈哈。。。 阿JAN'S LANGUAGE..

Do you believe

What I believe ? hehehe... W.H.A.T ???

I think I read it somewhere... according to Feng Shui if we place flower in our bedroom it's likely to attracts "桃花“~Affairs. either the hubby or the wifey lah.. I dont really wan to believe it.. Perhaps it's coincident bah I remembered, during my wedding ceremony MIL suggested to have some fresh flower place in the room so that the room looks nicer. So I ordered some nice Gerbera and put in my room..

Perhaps I might be too sensitive, altho I was happily married then.. But I sense that the hubby is like somehow having an affair. I cant really remember much of it but somehow I always have a feeling that whenever I put some flower thingy in my room.. some upsetting stuffs will happen. There's a time when I went to Cameron and bought 2 plants back, MIL suggestion again. put in the room. and Terrible things happen again !!.. Even bedsheet with Flower also got terrible things happen. "Takan" so coincident rite ??

Anyway I dont feel comfortable with it.. so in order to have peace in mind for MYSELF.. i tried to prevent putting flowery thingy in the room. Sometimes, I so wanted to put some nice flowery sticker on my sliding door.. but I cant.. huhuhu.. Owh .. and I am very honest with the hubby .. I told him.. whenever I put flower thingy in the room.. I'll be prepared you'll be naughty.. hahahaha..

Nag or Hate

When I was in my teenage years, I like to locked myself in the room.. It's to hide away from my mom's naggings. Or rather to hide myself from being ask to do things.. I always feel that my mom is super naggy and long winded.. she seems so 烦~annoying.

As I grew older and came to KL to study then to work, I'd went back occassionally but still I would prefered to go out with my friends then to stay home listening to her "grandmother's stories" and her complaints. Then I met my bf now hubby, his mom was a very nice lady. She's seldom at home cos spend most of her time in Singapore working. It's just left me and my hubby at home. She pampered us alot and she will buy things back for us everytime she comes back from Singapore.

I never had any hard feeling towards her but still there are rivalry between us as we compete for one man's attention (her son, my hubby). I presume this is normal for a family that only have one son and moreover a divorcee. I often give in cos I ought to respect elderly eventho I dont look like a person that would. wakakaka... Altho she is a very easy-going person but being a woman, she tend to nag too (even I would, sometimes). I've run away from my naggy mom and landed myself to a naggy MIL. Altho she doesnt nag alot but I'd hate it when she nags that I am untidy, I dont follow up on things, I dont put back things to where it belongs and I am irresponsible so to said. I feel that she will never ever be grateful to what I do.

As long as I am under her roof I ought to listen to what she says that's my theory. It's actually like never ending story and it's ever meant to be MIL & DIL rivalry. Anyhow, I will be other's ppl MIL one day.. and I hope I wont turn out to be a grumpy old woman. When my mom meet my MIL, she said that my MIL is a very easy going person and it's good for me.. but mom would feel that my relation is better with MIL then to her.

Now perhaps it's 相见好,同居难. People that we dont met often we usually will think they are better but when we starts to live together, there may be problems arise. That's the nature I think.

Lots of my friend usually think that I am very bossy. I am very fierce and demanding. But I had to admit that when at home, I still have to listen to the MIL says. I know that staying together under one roof we need to communicate which I admit that I didnt. So this person dont know wat the other person thinking and vice versa. I dont like to express my feeling out to my family.. So when the MIL nagged I either swallowed it or ignored it.. Perhaps bcos we never communicate we tend to assume too much..

haizh.. i got to stop ... cos I am quite blur on what's this topic all bout already .. till another ranting again... Adios !!.

莫生气

人生就像一场戏,
因为有缘才相聚.
相扶到老不容易,
是否更该去珍惜.
为了小事发脾气,
回头想想又何必.
别人生气我不气,
气出病来无人替.
我若气死谁如意,
况且伤神又费力.
邻居亲朋不要比,
儿孙琐事由它去.
吃苦享乐在一起,
神仙羡慕好伴侣.

Out of Blue

Just got back from a 2 hours karaoke session with my office's fren.. I felt so damn old and damn out-dated already .. hahahaha.. While my 2 other fren who are older then me singing all the "current song" I sit back and stare at the screen.

Does married and having kids make us old ?? Lolxx.. depending how much commitment I put into my family bah.. When I have Ervin I dont feel I am out-dated yet.. but then I have Elyse.. calling frens is like a shock to them.. they'll ask me if I am doing direct sales or selling insurances.. hahahaha...

It really needs lotsa energy to keep up to date... and not forget to mention needs lotsa "bullets~money" too.. Just dont look at other ppl, I myself is turning myself into a 'old' woman.. Work, Cook and Care.. what else ??

When some of my frens are still enjoying their life with fren clubbing and partying even they have kids.. I slowly have to accept the fact that I cant keep up anymore.. Altho I can still dance.. but its so alien already .. seems like those moves has become alien dance to the youngster nowadays.. wahakakakakaka..

It's should be a happy Friday today but the lack of sun or perhaps due to PMS has made me Blue out of sudden. I felt so tired.. perhaps sleeping late last nite did contribute to this feeling.. bah.. suddenly i felt so blue.. *yawn**

Meaning of Marriage

What's the meaning of marriage to the people today leh ?? Seriously.. I couldnt answer.. but I considered myself as a conservative woman (I presume.. cos I dont belif in 男女平等~Men-Women Samex2) I am just a 小女人.. When things happens 3 years back... I wanted to walk out of the marriage with my big tummy.. But at last I gave in cos he changed.. he asked for second chance.. so I told myself.. I dont get married to get divorced aftermath. Moreover, he was my choice.. I've choosen him to be with him.. and he choose to come back .. let's give it a try.. Luckily, God has pity on me and him and my baby bah...

The last trip back to hometown, I got a new from my fren saying this bestfriend (BFF) of mine has some problem in her marriage.. She left the hubby and her daughter to stay with her lover. Seriously, its nothing new in the society already.. she said.. she is not happy with his hubby and she is stressed up by her family.. It's her dad that threaten her into this marriage.. Cos her dad like this guy but she doesnt want to married this guy so her dad decided to "runaway fr home".. *so dramatic~ it's real life story** It made her no choice but to get married.. she said.. she wasnt happy during her wedding.. till then.. she was preggie then she had to stayed home to take care the kid.. perhaps she gone a bit bonker later on becos of it bah..

INitially, the hubby has got a cyber cafe.. has be a boss all the time.. perhaps due to the economic he has to close down his shop bah.. So he went to my fren's shop to help out lor.. but her parent of cos.. would sound mah.. the hubby has turn sour.. no more value.. hahaha.. then.. both my fren and his hubby starts to quarrel.. and she starts to look for alternative "enjoyment" ?? hahaha.. which is already expected.. so this time.. she ranaway from home.. not the dad !!.. I presume.. what happen aftermath.. we can all guess jor.. cos it's nothing new..

So who is the victim ?? the hubby ?? my BFF ?? NO !!!.. It's her little daughter... I'd did ask my BFF .. if she loves her hubby ?? she didnt answer me.. I personally thought she is spoilt.. she's a brat.. and she's still living in her childhood i.e naive.. Or perhaps she is brave, she's bold for standing up to her rights.. bah !!..

knowing her since childhood I always thinks that she is lucky jor just that she is really stubborn and never admit her fault.. or perhaps it's really her parent that made her wat she is today.. I dont know how to judge and dont wat to comment more.. *I have a daughter.. I dont wan to talk bad about ppl.. i scared of karma.. ***

Likewise, if I am her... pampered by parent and hubby .. have nice house and car.. I would be grateful and appreciate jor.. BUT seriously.. I wouldnt wan her parent to be mine lah .. hahahah.. so now she is happily staying with the lover, recommencing on going to pub and eating "happy pills"... the last i heard frm my fren , he told me she was detained by police and was "jamin" after..

Simple Dimple

守得云开见月明.. 3 years back I had a very very bad experience finally today I saw the silver lining. Is it bcos I have changed or he have changed ?? The answer is we both changed...

Some people may say I am stupid and brainless.. I dont blame them.. if he is wrong for once and we never give chance I wont be seeing silver lining today eh ?? Who knows what will happen only God knows.. I belief in God...

Smart people often have high expectation, I dont know if it's becos they've been pampered or they've be spoilt or simply it's becos they have that luck.. I always belief that "Lady Luck" wont be near us forever.. There are always Ups and Downs ... Good Luck and Bad Luck.. We should be grateful when "Lady Luck" is with us.. hence she'll always be with us cos we are grateful and appreciate her..

What happens when "Lady Luck" go away from us.. We keep faith lor.. when one door is shutted, God will always keep a small window for us mah.. This is how optimistic I am.. since 3 years.. hahaha.. Altho sometimes I may not be as optimistic.. but when I think back .. there are lots more ppl who are more unfortunate then me.. I shall bounce back..

At my age, what do I look forward too ?? Simple and Happy life.. As long as the people around me are SAFE and SOUND I could request for more.. When they are happy I am happy too... It's the Happy Energy flowing around yet ?? hahahaa...

When u asked me.. What happen if the tragedy repeats again ? hahahahaha.... I dont even wan to think about it yet.. Cos it' hasnt happen lor.. Why bother to think so much ....

Kids make us tension... I have tension when my kid doesnt listen to me.. He just doesnt want to keep all his toys back .. even I threaten to cut myself.. (LMAO)... I think he thought that his mom is crazy .. at 3 year old.. you think he understand ?? even a 30 years old oso couldnt be bother lah ... so the best things is to IGNORE , IGNORE and IGNORE... he doesnt keep it.. THROW it lor... then ?? BUY AGAIN ar ?? ya lah.. OLD one dont go.. where got NEW one ??

Sound like very spendthrift hor... another way is .. keep it.. store it in the cupboard.. then.. wat happen ?? bring it out as a new toys lor............. to a 3 y/o we can do this.. to a 30 y/o leh ?? he hasnt reach that year yet.. I dont think so far first.. later pening !..

Conclusion is.. Altho I am Brainless and LAzy.. but I am happy ... cos I am Contented....

My Life

I think I blogged before that I am the youngest in the family... And being the youngest one, I am very pampered by my eldest sister as well as my mother... As far as I can remember I always fight with my second sister and ever hated her before.. But as I've grown I started to cheerish them.. I remembered that my second sister also hated me before.. Cos becos of me, she often gor beaten by my eldest sister who's forever protective over me.

My parent sells satay for living, they dont only sells satay.. Dad was a keysmith and fish tackle seller.. they runs the shop in the afternoon and sells satay at night.. Before they started this business, they used to sell fishes and birds at the same time still sell satay.. So shall I say .. SaTAY is our "bread-provider"... lolxxx.. Mom was a very hardworking and thrify woman altho she could be very naggy at the same time.. We dont come from a very poor nor a very RICH family but I admit that I did have a very healthy and happy childhood.. Probably because, I am grateful for what I have and never expecting anything MORE.. Perhaps also I inherited my dad's genes of being a "happy go lucky" or rather.. 今天有酒, 今天醉 attitude... (today got wine, today drunk)

This kind of attitude often trigger arguement in the family and also comments from relatives... hahahaha. Mom always complaint that dad always "itchy body" when got money.. *dont get me wrong*... Dad was a good man, altho he does go to Hadyai.. lolxxx.. but I am sure he always return home.. and mom was okay with it.. hahahaha... my dada will always use the money to buy unneccessary stuffs when he got money... So we grew up.. always listening to mom's complaint and nagging...

I used to stay at home with my 2nd sister while my parent have to sell satay till late midnite. We always have fight... but seriously I enjoyed it .. I love pestering and disturbing her.. hahaha... then later, she left to KL for studies.. I was all alone at home, I only help my parent in the weekend.. Sometimes, I would tried to escape from helping them by telling them I need to study.. lolxx.. I always locked myself in the room... Listen to song.. Dance.. Sleep and DREAM ... hahahaha..

Once a while when my 2nd sister come back we'll still argue and fight.. I still remember that one day.. while we were sitting there.. making satay... she was bla bla bla.. and i fight her words... she twisted my ear.. and from there I started to tell her how I felt.. and I think she also felt bad too... and from that day.. we were "soul mate".. lolxx.. but not for long.. wakakakaka.... as for my eldest sister.. before I could remember.. she already flown to Holland and seldom come back ... When she comes back, she'll buy me lotsa stuffs... and pampered me like princess.. at the same time have to "fuk si" her bf... lolxxx..

I couldnt remember since when I started to be mature... or did I ever grew mature all the while.. hahaha.. but.. when I look back at my life during my teenage years... I was considered very lucky ... and happy.. eventho.. I have a very control-freak mom... a very naggy mom... a very *ppl used to say useless but I DONT THINK HE IS USELESS* dad.. owh boy i think my dad is cool and smart..... a very medium family...

If you asked me,

Are you sad that you need to help your parent to carry stuff in the morning market in the weekend ?

Are you sad that you have to sit there hours and hours helping your parent "cucuk"- poke satay everyday even after you come back from school ?

Are you sad that when your sister left you only to help your parent here ?

..... and many more.....

I am not sad.. I am grateful that I CAN DO IT... !!!

**dont ask me wat this post is all about.. COS I ALSO DONT KNOW***... it's a puzzle.. more of this kinda post will be coming...